Almost every religion and culture in the world condemn and shame, open sexuality. The act of Sex (Intercourse) is considered dirty, immoral, and wrong. In many cultures even married couples are not allowed to enjoy pleasure from sex, and they are supposed to do intercourse only for procreation (For bearing a child). In many cultures throughout the world, discussion about sexuality is considered unethical, taboo, and brings embarrassment. Parents teach their children about all aspects of life but when it comes to sexuality they leave their children totally uninformed and to learn on their own. Due to this, children grow up in the society totally misinformed and misguided about romantic relationships and sexuality.
Most of the things we learn about sex and romance from movies and pornography are totally twisted and do not have any connection with reality. These misunderstandings and misinformation create many problems throughout our adult life which leads to many relationship problems. Due to this, we suffer from a lot of frustration and insecurities throughout our lives.
So it begs us to question, why do most of the societies and cultures across the world consider sex and romance a taboo, and what do these societies gain from it? If there are only disadvantages to restricting sexuality then we would have become a sexually open society long ago. There must be some advantages to restricting and suppressing sexuality. Let’s understand it in detail.
Sex Life of Our Ancestors
Our ancestors were having a far more active and open sexual lifestyle and for very good reason, as the mortality rate of the children was very high so they have to produce as many children as possible to increase the number of our species. In the book Sex at Dawn (which discusses the sexual life of our hunter-gatherer ancestors), it is mentioned that our ancestors had a very active, casual, and open lifestyle on sexuality.
It is mentioned in this book that, All the women of reproductive age used to mate with all the hunters of the tribe. It is because if the woman has sex with all the eligible male hunters of the tribe, her children will be provided and taken care of by all the males as every male will think that it is his child. On the other hand, if a woman has sex with only one man in the tribe and if tomorrow her husband dies while hunting, nobody will take care of her children. Therefore, the sexual lives of our ancestors were far more open, unrestricted, and active. This also explains why women take a longer time to reach orgasm than men because women were evolved while having sexual interaction with multiple men.
When and Why did Sexuality Became a Taboo in Human Society?
Many people believe that open sex is restricted and banned in religious and cultural societies due to fear of pregnancies. If that is the case, then homosexuality, i.e., gay and lesbian people should not have been bothered and this form of sexual orientation should have been even encouraged, as this would not cause any pregnancy but only pleasure. But homosexuality is the biggest taboo and people used to be stoned to death for it. This indicates that restriction on sexuality by religions is not for the purpose of removing unwanted pregnancies. The purpose of restriction on sexuality by religions is for something else, read on.
The restriction in the sexuality of humans started appearing at the time when we started settling down as an agricultural society around ~12000 years ago. It’s the time when we started making large societies and were settling down in big villages and towns. Now you might be thinking, what is the relation between settling down as large human societies and restriction on sexuality? I am glad you asked.
The Need for Control
As mentioned in the book, Sapiens: A Brief History of Humankind (You must read this book at least once in your lifetime.), we humans have evolved for millions of years while living in a small band of hunter-gatherer tribes. Therefore we are evolved to live with a small group of people (max ~150) on personal relationships. Anything more and we will have fights and the group will split into a smaller number of people. The biggest reason for these fights is our inherent nature of fear and distrust.
Therefore, when we started settling down as a large society after the invention of agriculture we needed some method to bind large numbers of people together to control the society and make it function smoothly. The top thinkers and leaders started working on methods to control the society and these methods are called RELIGIONS. Basically, religion is a concept based on IMAGINATION and LIES to control society. There is nothing wrong with that, because religion was necessary for those times, as without religion we humans would not have progressed so far. It’s because of religions, millions of people trusted each other to work for a common cause.
How Religions Control Society
Initially, the method of control started with a fear of a powerful, invisible deity who is watching you or the entire town for their deeds. If the deeds do not match as told by the elders of the towns, the deity will become angry and plague and calamity can come on the village or the town. The methods to control human society got better over time, as we gained a better understanding the human and social psychology. Therefore, the religions also evolved and got better over time. Old and less powerful religions were replaced by better new religions. Most religions today adopt very powerful psychological methods to control the human masses.
The top leaders came to realize that, survival and reproduction are the fundamental purposes of any life form, i.e., fear and lust are the most fundamental human emotions. Therefore, if we somehow control the fear and lust among people, we can control the entire human society. And now you got the answer, almost every religion today, instills fear and restricts sexuality to control the human masses.
Why Religions are not Required in Today’s Society?
As I have mentioned earlier, religions were a need of those times to control human society and make it function smoothly. In today’s society, we have Law & Order, we have police and justice system and therefore the need for control is already taken care of. Furthermore, restricting sexuality and instilling fear as religions do, will do more harm in the current society as this system of lies is totally outdated.
Why Should We Have an Open Sex Society?
Sex and romance are one of the greatest gifts that nature has provided to life, it is the most fun and enjoyable act that nature has provided to humankind. Thanks to the advances in medical science, we have various forms of contraception and condoms which will allow us to enjoy this greatest gift without any worry. The outdated lies of the religion, which was created to control society are no longer needed. Sex provides so many psychological and physiological health benefits. As survival and reproduction are the fundamental purposes of life, our entire psychology is evolved for the acts of survival and reproduction.
Our brain has evolved for reward and punishment methods to make us run towards survival and reproduction. If we do any act which will help us to better survive and reproduce, our brain will be rewarded with a feeling of happiness and fulfillment and if we do anything against it, our brains will become depressed and anxious. Therefore, if you run away from sexuality and do not have proper sex and romance in your life, your brain will become depressed and anxious. On the other hand, if you have proper sex and romance in your life, your brain will be rewarded with happiness, fulfillment, and peace.
Therefore, be courageous and get rid of the fabric of lies created by the religions and cultures. Develop an open mind and courage to enjoy one of the greatest gifts that nature has provided to humankind: SEXUALITY.